Episode 4

"Cover Your behind"

FADE IN:

EXT. – DAY Briarpatch

Eddie is ducking a brushing his way through the thorny plants. Cuts and welts appearing on his arms as if by magic. He stops suddenly when he sees a rabbit kicked back against a rock smoking a pipe and drinking sweet water from a jug.

Br’er rabbit
Nice to meet ya. Br’er Rabbit’s the name. Born and raised in the briar patch.

Eddie
Nice to meet you Mr. Rabbit.

Br’er Rabbit
Br’er

Eddie
Excuse Me?

Br’er Rabbit
Br’er. The names Br’er Rabbit. You said mister.

Eddie
Sorry.

Br’er Rabbit
Just don’t let it happen again. Now, you’se obviously not from round here. Why you strollin’ through my patch?

Eddie produces the pamphlet he had received from Jack and Jill.

Eddie
I’m looking for this cult.

Br’Er Rabbit
Let me see that

He snatches the pamphlet

(continuing)
Ah, the Cult of NCLB. Crazy bunch. I had run in with dem a few months back. Woulda been rabbit stew if I hadn’ convinced dem that dey should throw me into the briar patch.

Eddie
How’d you do that?

Br’er rabbit
I reversed the psychology on dem. Dey a few carats short of the gold standard if you catch my meaning. Seriously, they kept on trying to make me take these tests.

Eddie
What kind of test?

Br’er Rabbit
I’m not sure. They kept on talking about annual yearly progress and I’se says to them ain’t annual and yearly synonyms?

Flashback of Br’er Rabbit pointing to words in the dictionary

(cont.)
Well that made dem all fired up so dey says dey was gonna double dip me.

Flashback to teacher holding rabbit by ears and dipping him into boiling cauldron

(cont.)
I tried to tell dem that double dippin’ is unsanitary den all alarms started goin’ off cuz I fell to far behind. I says fine but whatever you do don’t you throw me in dat ol’ briar patch. And you know what dey did?

Eddie
Let me guess. They threw you into the briar patch.

Br’er Rabbit
They threw me right into dat briar patch. Dey said it was another test. If I could find my way outta here then I would be demonstatin’ proficiency. But, I said to mahself I ain’t gonna pass dis test. And all dese thorns gonna keep them from comin’ in after me.

Eddie
I know that you don’t like them, but do you think that they can help me get back home?

Br’er Rabbit
They kept sayin’ dat dey had a whole mess a HQTs. If anyone could help ya it’d be dem.

Eddie
What is an HQT?

Br’er Rabbit
A highly qualified teacher.

Eddie
Aren’t you either qualified or not?

Br’er Rabbit
I tried pointin’ that out to’em but dey jus got mad ‘gain. Dey say I was either wid’em or agin’em, and you can see where I ended up. Whatever, de case I knowse dey was talkin’ bout der bein’ a road map for implementation. Maybe dat map can show you the way out.

Eddie
Thanks for the help.

Br’er Rabbit
No sweat. Good luck br’er Eddie.

Eddie continues his journey to find the NCLB cult, brushing and ducking his way through the briar patch.