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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Legislature Throws Money at Schools

In a bizarre incident on Monday the state legislature of Illinois visited several schools in the Chicago district and began chucking quarters at the brick facades. Simultaneously, student to teach ratios began to improve, text books became current, and the IT departments were sufficently staffed to maintain the computer network.

"I think this is the first time a teacher has been able to help me on an assignment," said Jonathan Weeks, a student who saw his class size drop from 31 to 15.

Students were astounded to realize that American History did not end after the Vietnam War, and students in Carol Nerdly's astronomy class who had just learned about Pluto gaining planetary status were alarmed to learn of its recent demotion. When asked why she didn't use internet sources for more current information, Ms. Nerdly replied, "Our network is less reliable than a campaign promise at a fundraiser."

State officials hope for further success when they begin lobbing quarters and perhaps even dollars at other schools throughout the state.

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