State evaluators were shocked last week when they visited a school that was literally in the dark ages.
Last Thursday, as part of the states accreditation process, a team of educators visited North Hamptonshire Elementary. After they scurried over a rickety bridge spanning what can only be described as a moat state officials were greeted by Dr. Cooper, principal and industrial arts teacher.
“I was surprised by the roughness of his hands,” stated head evaluator Janet Crandle, “but he explained that he had just been making barrels with his students when a page told him that we were here.”
As is the case in schools around Missouri officials were given open access to all of the classrooms and facilities. Schools are rated in several areas including teacher preparation, technology, physical facilities, and curricular materials.
“I immediately asked about the textbooks, and I was told that the school scribe had only finished copying approximately 50% of the books needed. The science department was still waiting on the delivery of the Alchemy text,” said Crandle.
“In one classroom there was only one working candle even though the school employs its own chandler,” exclaimed Robert Early, another state evaluator. “Even if the students had books they would not be able to see them.”
“I am very proud of how we have integrated technology into the curriculum,” said Cooper. “Mary Lynn has most of the students proficient in using the Astrolabe, and we just got a shipment of compasses so I imagine that students will start exploring on their own fairly soon.”
Officials state that North Hamptonshire Elementary will likely be closed within a week over concerns about The Plague and alarmingly high levels of lead found in blood samples from students in the Alchemy class.
Cooper responded disappointedly, “In our day we were the premier school in the area, but budget cuts and No Serf Left Behind cripple our ability to be innovative.”
Unfortunately for students North Hamptonshires’s “day” was over 600 years ago.