CONGRESS MOVES TO BAN PLAYGROUNDS
Washington D.C.

Moved by fears of corporeal predators congress voted unanimously to dismantle all playgrounds and public pools. Children’s museums, science centers, zoos, and cultural institutions catering to minors will have to close their doors. Congress John Smith (R-Missouri) said, "We have to keep petting zoos free of pedophiles, and if that means shutting them down, then so be it."

The Senate version of the bill, which includes a provision to de-list all phone numbers of homes with minors in residence, is expected to pass later this week.



I am tired of predator parnoia. It reminds me of the scare in the eighties about psychos sticking razor blades in candied apples or using syringes to poison Snickers bars. Armies of costumed children invaded the local malls because well all know that sickos and perverts live alone in houses and don't have jobs.