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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

A Modest Proposal

For the third time in about a week I have come across articles referencing the outboard brain all originating from an column in Wired. With varying degrees of awe and loathing authors have discussed the phenomenon of using electronic devices to store information previously held in the forefront of the brain. Some even decry the technology as making choices for us. We are cyborgs, or at the very least we have our own C-3PO and R-2D2 traveling by our side at all times. I fear however that techno-phobes and Luddites will be left behind struggling to remember their best friends phone number. Or worse, not have immediate access to the filmography of Kevin Bacon, and thus losing nearly every match of Six-Degrees.

For these unfortunate souls I suggest not an outboard brain, but an outsourced one. What's the difference you say? Well an outsourced brain is relatively low tech. Considering the number of people living in impoverished third-world countries the potential work force is staggering. For only a few cents a day you could have your very own outsourced brain. Instead of C-3PO a Gunga-Din. Ready at a moments notice to provide you with all of the necessary information to participate in sparkling conversation and witty repartee. We all know how smart Asians are. Who better to take care of all of the mental toil.

Honestly, it was a travesty that the Chinese were used as cheap labor to build our railroads. Obviously they should have been valued much more for their mental powers than their physical ones. The Japanese have noticed this weakness in westerners and have even built games that reportedly help build mental dexterity. If they were truly cutthroat businessmen then they would let us flail about in our intellectual squalor and sell us devices and people that would supplement our failing brains.

With the third world taking over the tasks of the useful ten percent of our brains (respiration, circulation and other bodily functions would most likely remain in the realm of the original brain) we would be free to explore the other ninety percent. Within a few year I predict that we will have mastered telepathy, telekinesis, and astral projection.

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